Dinner

So today I was kind of snacky all day. I didn't have a lot of calories left for dinner. I wanted something tasty, so I took Ted's recipe for Jamaican escovitch and trimmed calories, fat, and carbs from it. I also stole his photo.

Slimmed-down Jamaican Escovitch

4 Servings

per serving:

Calories: 157

Fat: 2g

Carbs: 7g

Protein: 28g

4 Flounder filets

1 Large onion

1 Medium carrot

1 Habanero pepper (or Scotch Bonnet, if you can find one), seeds removed and sliced into thin strips

1 tsp minced garlic

1 Bay leaf

1/2 tsp dried thyme

1 tsp Allspice berries

1/4 tsp crushed red pepper

2 tsp salt

2 tsp freshly ground black pepper

1/2 cup malt vinegar

1/8 cup water

1 lime, cut into wedges

1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice

Heat a stainless steel saucepan over medium low heat. Briefly remove from heat and spray with cooking spray (I used the olive oil kind). Add onion, carrot, habanero, and garlic; heat for about a minute, then add the bay leaf, thyme, allspice, crushed pepper, salt, and pepper.
Sweat for about 5 minutes, stirring, or until the onion is soft and translucent. You may need to spray with additional cooking spray to keep moist.

Add the vinegar, water and lemon juice, stirring well. Bring to a gentle boil. Boil briefly to let the sauce reduce a little. Cover the pan and simmer for about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally, or until the vegetables are tender.

Wash fish thoroughly in water with lime or lemon juice added. Dry thoroughly.

Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil and spray with cooking spray. Place the fish on the foil and salt and pepper to taste. Cover with aluminum foil and bake in preheated 400 degree oven for 18 minutes, or until fish flakes easily with fork.

Spoon the hot vegetables and sauce over the fish and serve right away with lime wedges. This is also good the next day as a cold lunch (and if you leave it cold, your coworkers won't kill you for making the office smell like fish).

Coming Together - Maybe

It feels like everything is starting to come together.

I know; you have all read this from me before. I'm working out hard, I'm getting my eating under control, blah blah blah, then bam, I'm back on here whining about eating too many damn cheeseburgers. Why should you think it's going to be any different this time?

Well, the truth is, you shouldn't. But I'm hoping to surprise you.

So what is different this time? Well, I had what alcoholics refer to as a "moment of clarity."

It came when I was browsing some friends' photos on the internet. There was a photo of a very fit, healthy, toned woman in one of the photos. In the comments, someone complimented her on what a lovely, lean, strong body she had (it wasn't as weird as it sounds here). The lady commented back that it wasn't easy; she had worked hard and made a lot of sacrifices for that body.

For some reason, that statement made something click. Sacrifices.

All this time, I've been thinking in terms of what I can and can't have. I can't have more calories than my calorie range allows. I can't have all those carbs. I can't have so much fat. Well, a bull-headed woman like me does not like to be told that she can't have or do anything. So something makes me rebel and say LIKE HELL I CAN'T JUST WATCH ME.

But I'll tell you what I can do. I can make conscious decisions to make a sacrifice to further my goal. I can choose to forego something I want. I can take a look at those fried pickles, or that piece of cake, or that pizza, and I can say to myself "If I want to eat that, I can eat it." And then I can remind myself that if I choose to skip it, that is X-number of calories that I do not have to burn off. And I can walk away.

I have gone back to tracking my calories on SparkPeople. Yesterday I stayed within my calorie range, even though I attended an awesome Winter Solstice Bonfire Party at the home of my good friend Gayle. I chose low calorie foods all day, had a piece of tilapia before I left so I wouldn't be starving, and while at the party I drank limited amounts of beer and wine. When I got home and logged the drinks from the party, I saw that I had succeeded. It was awesome.

I am well on the way toward having another successful day. I prepared a healthy breakfast and lunch, and have a light snack ready for when I need it. Dinner will be tilapia again, probably, this time with a side dish of a vegetable or some salad.

As for working out, Ted and I are still doing workouts at the gym. On some days we're doing the Workout of the Day (WoD) from zombiefit.org, and on other days we're doing the WoD from crossfit.com. They are great workouts, and really tough. I'm still having to modify for my knees and my foot, but I'm able to get a really good burn every time.

More soon.

Small Town Awesomeness

Last night Ted and I spent the day visiting my family in smalltown Kentucky. We ended the evening with a date to the Wingfield Volunteer Fire Department's Hayride and Haunted House. We've been to a few of the haunted venues around here in Nashville, but this one has quite a reputation in my hometown, so we decided to give it a shot, and support the VFD in the process.

Well, let me tell you, they did not disappoint. Let me preface my review with the explanation that I won't call any haunted house attractions "scary," because to me there is a big difference between being scared and being startled and entertained. But having lots of good startles and entertainment is what makes a good haunted house, in my opinion.

There were not only lots of awesome startles in Wingfield VFD's haunted house, they were also beautifully executed! Their haunted house is considerably lower budget than the big Nashville attractions (it's small town, and a fundraiser, so yeah; they need to be frugal), but what they lacked in special effects and construction, they made up for in enthusiasm and strategy. For example, in one room there were several mannequin heads, made up to look like severed people-heads, but they were obviously plastic. So, no real scare there, right? Just a cheap setup. Until the one on the end, that TOTALLY LOOKED LIKE A MANNEQUIN HEAD, jumps out and screams at you. Dude, that was the coolest lull-you-into-a-false-comfort startle EVER. The live girl's makeup was flawless, and unless you were expecting her, you honestly would have overlooked her as another plastic head. It was a thing of beauty.

There were a lot of other great misdirection startles as well. You walk into a room, see an obvious person ready to jump out to scare you, and POW! Someone comes from a completely different area and startles the living bejesus out of you. I can't say enough about how strategic and well executed this haunted house is.

And even with the limited budget, the special effects were awesome. There was a spinning vortex room that was every bit as dizzying as the one at the high-budget Devil's Dungeon in Nashville. There were lots of loud power tools and sparkly things and unexpected booms; it really was a fun time!

And all this is on top of a fun and whimsical old-fashioned tractor pulled hayride to and from the site. The hayride itself isn't spooked; it's just an opportunity to chat with your fellow haunted house fans as you get to and from the attraction. I haven't been to anything like this in Nashville. It's truly a smalltown charm that is worth the 1 1/2 hour drive to experience.

The Wingfield VFD's Hayride and Haunted House is only $10 for adults, and $5 for kids 12 and under. There is food available for purchase at the firehouse, so get there early and have a chili dog with homemade chili and home-canned hot relish. You should also bring extra cash for tee shirts. I didn't, but I wish I had.

It's a good cause to support and a great attraction. Make the trip and see it. Just be sure to pee before you climb onto the hay. You don't want to pee yourself the first time a misdirection takes you by surprise.

Haunted House Review: Devil's Dungeon

Me: I'm going to write a review for Devil's Dungeon on my blog.

Julia: Be sure to talk about the poop.

So Ted, Julia, Julia's friends Brandon and Dan, and I all went to the Devil's Dungeon haunted house on Friday night. It was a blast.

Devil's Dungeon advertises as "The most controversial haunted house in Nashville!" I suppose it is controversial, if you don't understand what a haunted house is.

As far as entertainment haunts go, though, DD is a very good one. The scenes are creative, the actors are enthusiastic and seem to be having a lot of fun, and there are enough good startles to keep your heartrate up and have you nervous about going around the next corner. There are several startling loud noises, which certainly achieve the objective, but a couple of them lasted a bit long for my taste. I'm not a big fan of deafening noises that will not end.

I'm not going to describe the scenes inside, because I don't want to ruin any surprises for anyone who might want to go, but I will tell you that there are a couple of scenarios that are not for the squeamish. If you are easily offended or unable to understand that it's all pretend and not to be taken seriously, you probably shouldn't go.

I will say that one of the last parts of the house is the maze. The maze seems extremely frustrating at first, but I'll give you a hint. Look at Gumby's shoes. You'll see that it might not be as bad as it seems...

Are you still wondering about the poop comment?

One of the scenes includes a girl locked in a cage, begging you to let her out. She will talk to you (presumably because she is starved for human interaction, being a prisoner in a dungeon and all). Julia was talking to her, and ended the conversation with (paraphrased) "Well, I'd like to stay and try to get you free, but I need to go. I really have to poop."

Monday BFT

I know; I’m behind. I’m going to post about Monday and Tuesday in two separate posts, so I don’t have one long blog that no one will read to the end (I know what the internet has done to people’s attention spans; in fact, if you’re still reading this, you’re probably well above the average).

On Monday we had our Basic Fitness Test (BFT) for July. I felt good; I felt fresh; I was ready for it.

My results:
Push-ups, two minute drill: 70 reps (last BFT: 51)
Crunches, two minute drill: 170 reps (last BFT: 149)
1 Mile Run: 8:48 (last BFT: 8:50)

So I improved on everything, which means I scored 300 again. I’m pretty proud; I’ve come a really long way. My competitive nature keeps me pushing, and having the BFTs every so often are a great way to see my progress.

On a different note, Sergeant Ken has started a push-up challenge on dailyburn.com. It’s both an individual challenge and a group challenge. There will be one male and one female overall winner for the participants who do the most push-ups, and START Fitness Nashville is competing against START Fitness San Francisco for which group can do the most push-ups as a whole. This should be a lot of fun!

I set my goal for at least 100 per day. Yesterday I did 100; today I’ve done 120 so far. I’m going to do 30 more to make it a solid 150.

I thought that was great until I saw Sergeant Ken’s posting of 990 and Jimmy Olander’s posting of 1010 for the first day. Now I feel like a weakling.

But seriously, a thousand push-ups in a day? That’s borderline mental illness, I’m thinking.

But team Nashville is going to win.

300

No, not the movie. Guess again.

If you guessed that this was my current weight, then you are no longer my friend.

If you guessed that this was my score on May’s Basic Fitness Test (BFT), then you’re right! I scored 300 out of a possible 300. I am very proud of myself.

We are doing the BFT for July on Monday. I’m not sure what to expect from myself, but I hope to improve on everything. I’m not going to set myself up for disappointment by putting specific numbers on my goals, because I just don’t know how much I’ve improved since last time. I’ve missed a lot of classes, so I don’t know what to expect. I’m hoping to at least score 300 again, though.

It’s getting difficult to blog about boot camp, because I feel like I’m saying the same things over and over. It’s tough; it hurts; it’s awesome; it’s working; it’s worth it. All these things are true, every time. I need to think of new and creative ways of expressing these sentiments.

Currently, my big challenge is nutrition, but I am finally taking serious steps toward correcting it. I’m using SGT Ken’s Savory Survival Guide as a guideline. I’m not following it to the letter; I’m making substitutions here and there. For instance, last night instead of having baked chicken and brown rice with steamed vegetables, I had baked fish and brown rice with a tomato, herb, and olive reduction. So, the substitutions aren’t cheating; they’re just changes based on what I have in my kitchen and what sounds tastier. I have been doing a great job staying away from the chips in the break room at work (bringing a healthy snack with me helps a lot). I am keeping a food journal, so in case I don’t see any progress in a week, I can show SGT Ken what I have been eating, and he can hopefully tell me what I’ve been doing wrong.

Tonight is trivia at the wingery. I’m trying to plan what I am going to do; I do enjoy my wings and beer, but I can abstain in order to meet my goals. I normally have a couple of good beers, a side salad, and eat about half a medium wings plate (splitting it with Ted). Sometimes we start with an appetizer of fried pickles. It’s a lot of food. A lot more food than I should eat. So tonight, I’m thinking I’ll make my dinner at home as prescribed by the SSG, and have one beer (I dismissed the quit-drinking-for-good idea and switched to really-watching-out-for-overdrinking) at trivia. If I find that I don't have time to cook before time to leave, I will have a side salad and something that looks relatively harmless on the menu. Regardless of what I wind up doing, I will write everything down. That is my challenge for this week.

To the Newbies

We have a lot of new folks joining us at START Fitness in Nashville. This post is to answer the many questions I know you all have.

1. Yes, it's supposed to hurt there.
2. Yeah, there too, probably.
3. Whoa, dude...I'm not sure it's supposed to hurt there. You might want to get that looked at.
4. No, it doesn't ever get easier to get here by 5:30 in the fucking morning.
   
5. Yes, I know it sucks.
   
6. No, it doesn't stop hurting.
   
7. Yes, it does get better.
8. Yes, you still have to pay attention to what you eat. I'm not doing so hot with that part yet; but I'm getting the hang of it now.
9. No, it never gets easy.
10. Yes, you will see a change if you stick with it.

But the most important answer of all, in my opinion:

Yes. Yes, it is worth it.

Seriously, Y’all. I Am Pee-My-Pants Excited

I am also super motivated, like I mean SUPER DUPER motivated to start seriously adhering to SGT. Ken’s Savory Survival Guide and start dropping this fat.

Why? I’m so glad you asked.

When I hit 28% body fat, I am going to take the START Fitness Instructor Certification Course. I’m going to be a boot camp instructor!

My ultimate body fat percentage goal is 24% or lower, but when I hit 28, I feel like I’ll be squarely enough in the “normal” range that I’ll have the confidence to take the course.

So today I’m having a salad with greens, strawberries, blueberries, almonds, chicken breast, and a little asiago cheese with fat free raspberry vinaigrette dressing (from Wendy’s; 270 calories). It’s tasty, and I’m getting full.

Tomorrow is pay day, and therefore grocery day; I’m going to take the Savory Survival Guide with me and make sure my kitchen has the supplies to help me stick with it. Nutrition is the key; but there’s going to be more to feeling ready to take the course than just losing the fat. In addition to hitting my body fat percentage goal, I need to improve my running speed and endurance, work on my form on various exercises such as the various types of push-ups, and start having the joint fluid injections in my knees so I can perform my lower body exercises properly. There’s lots of work to be done.

I know that I’m going to enjoy being an instructor. Because of having to miss some boot camp classes in the mornings, I’ve been going with Ted to the gym, and he’s been humoring me by doing START Fitness style workouts with me. It is a lot of fun being the “leader.” It motivates me to push myself harder (read: try to be a hot shot).

I really think this is the motivational boost I needed. HOOAH!

Second PT

Sorry about the blogging lapses. Things have been busy both at work and at home.

At boot camp, we did a BPT on Tuesday. In case you are a new reader or for some weird reason you don't commit every detail of my blog to your long term memory, here is how I scored last month:

Push-ups (2 min): 23
Crunches (2 min): 109
1 Mile Run: 8:32
Total score (possible 300): 281

Not bad for a fat girl. Push-ups were strictly from toes, BTW. No girlie push-ups allowed.

On Tuesday, we had another BPT. I was a little nervous about this one; not because I didn't think I had gotten stronger (I knew I had gotten stronger), but because I had hurt my shoulder in the Warrior Dash. I don't know how I hurt it, but it's definitely an injury pain, not a soreness pain. So I wasn't confident about how the push-ups would go. Everything else I felt pretty good about.

After a good vigorous warm-up, we divided into squads. I was the scorekeeper in my squad (the person with the clicker-counter thingy). Push-ups were first. Everyone in my squad did awesome. We were on fire. Then it was my turn.

"All I'm hoping for is to beat last month - if I do 24, I'll be happy."

"You're going to rock this! You'll do 50!"

I thought my teammates had way too much confidence in me. Turns out? They had just about the right amount of confidence in me. I did 51.

YOU READ THAT RIGHT, Y'ALL! FIFTY-FREAKING-ONE!

For those who have just started reading, when I first started boot camp in February I was unable to do even a single push-up from my toes, and could barely complete a scant few from my knees. I was happy with my push-up score.

Next was crunches. We were pressed for time, so we all got down and did them together and counted on our own, reporting on the honor system. I did 149. Which is great; but I could have done 150 IF I HADN'T RUN OUT OF TIME! I was milliseconds from getting an even 150. While 149 is still 40 more than I did last time, it was maddening that I didn't get the nice, round number.

Then we ran the mile. It's a nice, mostly flat mile route; but for some reason I was having a bit of a tough time. I had to slow to a walk a couple of times. At the home stretch, the most awesome Jimmy Olander came to pace me in. He encouraged me to really push the last little bit, and I came in at 8:50. Slower than last month, but still under 9 minutes (thanks to Jimmy!).

I'm not sure whether I scored a perfect 300 or not; my slower run might not have scored a full 100. But I know I got 100 in crunches for sure, and I think I probably got 100 in push-ups this time. So we'll see if 8:50 is fast enough for me to get a full 300. It may not be; but that's okay. It will be better next time.

281

No, that’s not my weight. But thank you for making that assumption.

That, my friends, is my Basic Fitness Test (BFT) score from March. We received our certificates and tee shirts today. The total possible score was 300. So not only did I pass, I came pretty close to maxing it out for my gender and age range. We’re doing another one soon; I probably haven’t progressed enough to score 300 this time, but I plan on at least improving my score for April.



I did go to class yesterday, but I’ve been crazy busy and just haven’t had time to sit down and blog. Today Sgt. Ken led the class, and he apparently wanted to be sure to remind us who is the Tactical Director and Master Instructor, because he tore us up. Today was killer from warm-up to final drill. But even though it was really hard, I still felt really good about my performance today. I felt ripped to shreds by the cool-down, but it was a very strong, very encouraging day. It’s very cool how my attitude and disposition is evolving throughout this process; not too long ago, today’s workout would have been one that made me feel like this was too hard and I was going to have to quit. But I think that I have not only gotten stronger physically, but I have also become much stronger mentally and emotionally. That doesn’t mean there won’t be any future breakdowns, or periods of time where I feel like giving up or become disheartened; but they aren’t being triggered by the same things (or as many things) as they used to be. And that mental and emotional strength is starting to spill over into other aspects of my life. This has really been good for me in many, many ways.

Where I’m still failing is food. I’m tired of saying here that “I’m going to get the food under control; I’ve started logging and paying attention and…” blah blah blah. I haven’t gotten it under control yet. Some things are better; I’m eating Cheerios in nonfat milk for breakfast (they’re supposed to be magically cholesterol reducing, so I’m giving them a shot); I’m bringing fruit and veggies for snacks at work to try to keep myself from the chips basket; I’m eating high-fiber, low-fat lunches. When I cook dinner, I’ve been cooking healthier foods for that, too. What happens, though, is someone will bring in cookies. Or come around sharing donuts. Or we’ll have a birthday celebration with cake. Or I won’t feel like cooking dinner so we’ll go out. None of these things are totally derailing by themselves, and if I gave in to one a week, it wouldn’t be so bad. But I give in to all of them. I actually think I have a problem and should probably go to Overeaters Anonymous. But I don’t have time for meetings, and I’m not sure I can get into all that touchy-feely-sharing stuff. It’s really not my style. So I’m not really sure what is going to have to happen for me to get my eating under control and finally start dropping this fat-weight.

I am joining a fun online challenge, though, so perhaps my competitive nature will kick in and I’ll stay a bit more focused while doing that. First weigh-in is tomorrow. My goal is to lose 2 pounds a week during the 12 weeks of the challenge. We’ll see how it goes.

What, You Didn't Know I Was Going to do a Half Marathon?

Neither did I.

Amber sent me a Facebook message on Thursday and asked me if I would do the Country Music Half Marathon with her. The CMHM was on Saturday.

That's right. Two days later.

And I agreed to it. Because I am completely and totally crazy.

Now, Amber is quite pregnant; so she assured me that she would be walking almost all of it, and that if she could do it, I could do it. I hadn't been doing any distance training whatsoever, but I figured that I could walk it with a little running thrown in. Amber figured we'd be able to finish in around three hours. We finished in 3:19:09. Not bad considering Amber's knee went bad after mile four, and we had to walk pretty much the rest of the race. And that was with three pee breaks (if you do a half marathon with a pregnant woman, expect to hear the phrase "Oh, good, I see port-a-potties!!!" very often).

This was my second half marathon. The first one, I trained for, and actually ran. This one I did spontaneously and walked nearly all of. They shared some commonalities for me. Here are a few things that appear to happen to me whether I train or not, walking or running:

• Around mile 6, the bottoms of my feet start to feel like they have been crushed with a sledgehammer.
  
• When I hit mile marker double-digits, my hamstrings decide to start shredding themselves with a cheese grater.
  
• My leg muscles swell and become hotter than a charcoal fire.
  
• For the remainder of the day, I am useless.
  

When I got home, I took an ice bath. I would normally write something here about how torturous it was, but honestly, it was quite nice after the initial shock of the cold. My legs were really inflamed; the ice felt good.

After that, I put on some dry pajamas and crashed into the bed for a nap. In about an hour, Ted and Julia arrived at the house (Ted had been so kind as to take Ju to band practice for me that morning so I could do the race). They came up to my room and Ju plopped down beside me and started chatting, and Ted gave me a massage on my poor shattered feet. Later that afternoon, Julia went to hang out with some friends, and Ted used The Stick to roll out the lactic acid in my legs. The screams were epic.

Today, I was very sore and walking quite gingerly, but I feel pretty good. Much better than I did after my first half marathon. I'm thinking that the difference was having someone to give me some aftercare this time. In 2009, it was just me and a twelve year old. So when I got home, not only did I not have anyone to baby me, I had a baby of my own to take care of (not a baby, but not quite as self sufficient as she is now). This year, I had a fourteen year old who could fend for herself as I lay in bed and tried to heal, and a wonderful partner who brought me water, rubbed my feet, and rolled my legs to help me recover. I must say, I recommend it this second way. :)

One final note. If you are pregnant and you walk/run a half marathon, expect your hoochie-koo to be sore afterwards. Apparently the baby pounds your pelvis pretty hard while you're doing all that walking.

Happy to Be Back!!!

It felt so good to be back at boot camp this morning!

I was surprised at how strong I felt after my long break; but I totally expect today’s strong, solid feeling workout to be followed by a rough day tomorrow. That seems to be how it goes for me; my body performs great right after a rest, but then realizes what it’s done, and suffers for a while to catch up. We’ll see if my prediction is correct in the morning.

You know what I hate? Running.

You know what I surprisingly don’t hate? Running in the rain. Apparently, I am a small child. This morning I didn’t expect us to do our running because of the rain, but we wound up running outside anyway, and it was fun. I had this weird feeling of “it’s raining, and I get to go outside anyway!” Somehow it felt like I was getting away with something, and I loved it. It must have something to do with never getting to play in the rain as a kid, because my Mom was convinced it would make me sick nigh unto death. And she probably didn’t want to have to clean up after muddy little footprints, either.

But today’s running felt good. We did a lap around the block, then went in the studio for a circuit, then did another lap around the block, then stayed in and did the circuit for the rest of the class. The lap around the block starts with a pretty daunting hill (it’s not Bernard hill, but it’s still a good one), and I had to take one short walk break on the hill on the first lap, and a few walk breaks on the hill on the second lap, but other than that, I ran at a nice pace (for me, anyway) the whole block. I even pushed myself for a little speed at the end of the second lap. It’s a small block; I’m guessing a quarter mile, maybe. But I was happy with how I felt at the end of each lap.

The circuit was tough, but it felt good. I felt strong, I felt like I was going at a good pace. I was getting really winded and worn down by the end of the second go-around, but then we were at the end, so it worked out perfectly.

Boot camp was really kickass this morning. It’s a good thing, too, because the rest of my morning pretty much sucked. I woke up at 1:30 AM, and couldn’t go back to sleep. After getting home from boot camp, I took the time to put together a well planned-out day of food, with breakfast, snack, lunch, and second snack, all healthy; then I walked out the door without it. I didn’t realize that I did not have it with me until I was pulling into the parking lot at work; 45 minutes after leaving my driveway (it’s normally a 15 minute drive). So yeah. Thank goodness for boot camp!

This is Why You Don't Quit

Wow

Just wow.

Before I say anything else, I want to say that “limping dogs” or “lame dogs” or whatever they called that godforsaken exercise we did this morning suck major ass. OUCH, Y’ALL.

I can’t even explain it here. It would hurt again just thinking about them.

On a different note, this morning’s boot camp was kick ass. Three brutal circuits, each led by a different instructor (congratulations to our three newly certified instructors, by the way: Jackie, Candace, and Debbie! HOOAH!). We broke out into three squads and did the circuits in rotation. It was a high cardio day with plenty of strength training/muscle burnout thrown in. I felt shredded from head to toe, and it felt great.

That’s right. Great. After the grueling, emotional, crazy day I had yesterday, I had a fantastic boot camp day today. It beat my ass to a pulp; it had me gasping for air; I’m going to be sore. But today I’m definitely back to loving it, and being glad I’m doing it. Rah-rah-sis-boom-bah.

And this is why it is so important to NEVER quit after a bad day. Yes, yesterday was a bad day. Yesterday was a very bad day. But those days come and then they go, and you are left with everything else. And everything else is awesome.

Many thanks to everyone yesterday who listened to me, comforted me, encouraged me, bought me frozen custard (love you, Ted), and reminded me that I’m not alone. I knew that I was going to be alright, and so did you. Thanks for helping me get there.

(Oh, and FYI, I’m going to the doctor for a physical and stress test next Friday [Apr. 22]. I’ll let you guys know if I find out anything of note.)

Not Sick Anymore! And Seven Weeks

Sorry I’m late with Thursday’s post; I went to lunch with coworkers so couldn’t write at lunchtime, and Thursday night is trivia, beer, and wings night at Wow Wingery (yes, I know; not the best nutrition choice, but it’s our once a week family outing), so there wasn’t a lot of writing and posting time.

But START boot camp on Thursday was AWESOME AS HECK.

(I wanted to use a stronger word than heck there. One that started with F. But I think I’m probably swearing too much for my audience, so I’m trying to back off. That isn’t to say the swearing will go away, but I’ll try to curb it and only use strong words if something is particularly emotional or if it would be really, really funny.)

I did go to the boot camp class at the gym with Ted on Wednesday night since I was feeling better and I had missed START on Wednesday morning. It was a good workout; the kind where you basically get as much as you give, so if you’re motivated to get a good workout, you will. I felt like I got quite a bit out of it.

Of course, I’m a bit biased toward START. There is just so much that I love about it. The camaraderie I’ve formed with all the “charter” Nashville members; the motivation of being led by people as awesome as Sgt. Ken, Amber, Candace, Debbie, and Jackie; the crazy energy in the studio; the encouragement we all give each other; I honestly can’t say enough good things about it. Words don’t do it justice.

So anyway, Thursday was probably my favorite day so far. Maybe it was because it felt so good to just not be sick anymore, or maybe it was because we did partner-assisted exercises and my partner, Sarah, was so great and so much fun to work with. Maybe it was because we did a lot of exercises we had done before, and I could see and feel so much improvement in myself from the last time. I don’t know; but it was a blast. Yes, it was a hard, grueling workout. Yes, many of the exercises hurt. Yes, it was exhausting. Yes, I am very very sore all over today. But somehow it was fun. And tonight I’m going to try to go to the gym to do a spin routine for about an hour, just because I want to.

Am I turning into one of those people who likes to work out? Dude. That’s weird.

One other quick subject before I sign off for this post. Thursday completed my seventh week of START Fitness. In those seven weeks, I have missed a total of four classes, which means I have done a total of 24 START boot camp sessions. That’s 24 times I’ve gotten out of bed at 4:30. 24 times I’ve driven into the city before most people’s morning alarm goes off and done an hour-long workout that is painful and draining. 24 times I have attempted to push my body to its absolute limits.

It’s also 24 times I’ve dedicated an hour to improving my health. 24 times I have built new muscle tissue. 24 times I have learned something new about what my body is capable of. 24 times I’ve had the opportunity to spend an hour with many incredible, fascinating, inspiring people.

Several weeks ago, I asked the question, “Is it worth it?”

The answer is yes.

700? Really?

I doubt it.

But Sgt. Ken told us today that during the course of our hour workout this morning, the average recruit will have done around 700 push-ups. He said that we are now part of his "700 Club." It's a lot like the other 700 Club, except nothing at all like that.

I'm thinking that I'm significantly below the average recruit, but I did do many, many push-ups today. Some were proper military-style; some were with elevated feet; some were modified from-the-knees. But I did a bunch. And I gave it my all.

To be honest, a lot of the morning is a blur to me. I remember that we worked with partners. I remember thinking Of course we're working with partners; I haven't shaved my legs. I remember that I partnered with Madison, who just finished up her first week at START. She did awesome.

To be quite honest, keeping these blog posts humorous is becoming a challenge. All my life, I've used humor as a tool to make me feel less vulnerable. I make jokes about being the fatgirl so people think I have a good attitude about it and don't feel sorry for me. I make jokes about how painful something is because it helps take the sting off the pain. I make jokes about how terrifying something is so it seems like the fear is only superficial, and not actually eating through to my soul. I make jokes about puking and wanting to punch people because...well, okay, I make those jokes just because they are funny.

But in the five weeks I have been doing START fitness, I have lost a pants size; I've increased my endurance and strength significantly; I have developed an attitude of excitement for what challenge I get to attempt to conquer next; and I've only puked a few times, and never actually punched anyone. There really isn't a lot of humor there.

But there is a TON of awesome.

Closed Circuit

I'm behind with my posting. Sorry. There will be two posts today.

I missed Tuesday's workout because my friend Arwen and I had an audition on Monday night, and I didn't get home from it until very late. I had to have the sleep, or I would not have been able to function at work at all. (We did get the gig, though, so it was worth it!)

Upon walking into the studio on Wednesday morning, I was informed that I had missed the single most grueling workout so far. I do feel a bit guilty. But only a little. Mostly I feel fortunate.

On Wednesday we did a circuit with Amber. It was a tough one, made up mostly of stations we had done in circuits before. Today's post will be a comparison of how I felt when we did these stations the first time, and how I felt on Wednesday.

Station 1: Squat Shuffle with Medicine Ball
First time: Burning legs; gasping for air; heart felt like it was out of control and couldn't go any more; moved very slowly; had to rest for extended periods between laps.

Wednesday: Burning legs; breathing hard; heart felt like it was working hard, but strong; moved at an acceptable rate; required minimal rest between laps.

Station 2: Up-down Planks
First time: Really, really hated them; could barely do any; brought sobs to my throat; actually cried; hurt so badly that I couldn't even tell where on my body the pain was; felt like a complete failure and weakling; very depressing.

Wednesday: Started strong; moved slowly but with determination; hurt in a good way; very empowering because I could really tell I had improved like crazy.

Station 3: Abdominal Bicycles
First time: Actually felt like I did okay on these, but really had to rest often and for extended periods of time; had considerable lower back pain; knees were very painful with the motion.

Wednesday: Surprised myself with how long I could go before going to the rest position; lower back became tired near the end, but not painful; knees moved fluidly and were only slightly stiff; felt very proud of my core strength improvement.

Station 4: Inchworms
First time: Did every push-up from my knees; felt very shaky, awkward, and weak throughout entire exercise; had to step outside for fear of puking after each leg; hated them.

Wednesday: Still hated them; did most of the push-ups from my toes; felt strong but still awkward throughout exercise; did not have the urge to puke, but still had the urge to punch someone.

Station 5: 2X1s (2 push-ups, 1 explosion; 4 push-ups, 2 explosions; etc. to 8X4)
First time: I don't think we've done these before...if we did, I was blacked out or in clinical shock, because I don't remember.

Wednesday: Tired, but strong; did mixture of proper and modified push-ups; explosions are still weak, only because I can't get low because of my knees, and also can't bend my knees on the jump. I'm still really hoping for knee improvement, but I don't know whether they will ever get better.

We repeated the circuit five times, with the last set being abbreviated a bit so we would finish on time. It was a great workout, and I felt fantastic. I saw so much improvement in my endurance from early in the program.

This has truly, truly been hard; but it has absolutely been worth it. I have never in my life been this strong, or felt this good about anything I've done for myself. I can honestly see myself continuing to do this for life.

So Many Ways to Help

Yes, today's post is ultimately about boot camp; but I want to start with something more important.

I make a lot of jokes here about pain, sobbing, misery, and how hard this is. But in reality I am a very fortunate person who is in a safe place, with a dry home, and not under immediate threat of a nuclear power plant meltdown. The people of Japan can't say that right now. The situation far east of us is very serious, and there are many very real people in very real danger. I know that times are difficult for many of us financially right now, but if you can, please make a donation to the Red Cross or Doctors Without Borders, or another reputible charity that is working to help.

One of the easiest ways to donate is to text the word REDCROSS to 90999, and your $10 donation will just show up on your cell phone bill, which probably has so many mystery charges on it every month anyway that you won't even notice.

Okay, now back to boot camp.

Today we had new recruits, which is awesome and exciting! I love our team and I love seeing familiar faces every day, but I also really love seeing the team grow. This has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself; I want to see it be one of the best things lots of other people do for themselves, too!

Talking to today's first-timers, I heard many of the same fears and concerns I had. These other people look so in shape...can I do this? How sore am I going to be? Is Sgt. Ken going to be really mean?

The class vetrans were awesome about gathering around the newbies and reassuring them, motivating them, and sharing their enthusiasm about the class. I think they were relaxed and ready to go when the clock struck 5:30...

...and it ran through my head, Oh, God, somebody needs to WARN THEM!!

We started our warm-up, which is a workout in itself. I recognized the look in the eyes of the new recruits behind me. This is a warm-up??

As I walked back to get a drink of water, I assured them that every single person in the class had that exact thought on their first day. And pretty much every day after that, too.

Today's workout was fast and exhausting. It was one of those that gave me that false sense of relief as we changed exercises, only to have that relief dashed when my brain caught up with my body and realized that the next exercise was going to be just as painful...

We all made it through. Missi, one of our newbies, asked me at the end, "Did you do as badly on your first day as I did today?"

First of all, I want to say to Missi and both of our other first-timers, do not sell yourself short for what you did today. You all did awesome. This is hard; it is supposed to be hard. It is designed to push you further than you think you can go, and as you get stronger, you will be able to do more and more every time. You were rockstars today, and don't you forget that.

Second, hell yes, I did as badly on my first day as you. Worse, in fact. I know how you felt today. I was very weak, very out of shape, and not prepared for this at all. No one's first day has ever been as ugly as mine. But I did the only thing that would fix that: I came back.

And today, I am rocking a brand new pair of size 12 jeans. That's down a size from when I started. And they fit great.

Non-boot camp related: I got to play music yesterday with my friend Arwen. We have a couple of gigs coming up in the next few months so we got together to read through some stuff. It was my first time playing with a harp player, and it was so much fun!

PT!

Today we had a surprise PT (Physical Testing). I loved PT when I took karate years ago; it's rewarding to see quantifiable improvement.

Today's PT consisted of push-ups (as many as you can in 2 minutes), crunches (as many as you can in 2 minutes), and a one mile run. I was looking forward to it.

Then Sgt. Ken explained the push-up rules. Military style. From your toes. Drop to your knees, and you are DQ'd.

And with those words, all of the confidence and pride I've been building up over the last three weeks was gone. That frightened, weak little fat girl immediately took over my head, and I was terrified. I couldn't do a single push-up from my toes; I just knew it. I had tried before, and I've never been able to lift myself at all.

So as I sat there, on my knees, waiting for Sgt. Ken to give the ready command, I choked back tears (y'all are really getting tired of what a crybaby I am, aren't you?), and told myself that I just had to do what I could; my best was all I had to offer. My teammates obviously saw my terror (I'm imagining that my face was pasty white with red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes ready to go at any second), and they encouraged and reassured me that I was going to do fine. I felt like I was kneeling there waiting for a baseball bat to the back of the head. Sgt. Ken must have seen how afraid I was as well, because he came over and reassured me that I didn't have to do very many to pass. Still, I was sure it was more than none.

Time to go. I got into position, lowered my arms to 90°, and to my astonishment, pushed myself up. I did one.

Then I did another. And another...and another. Twenty-three in all. That might have been the lowest number in the class (I don't know), but it was enough for me to pass that portion of the test. And it was 23 more than I thought I could do.

Next were crunches. There's no real story there; I passed with them, but I didn't do as many as I'd like (109). I'm going to really try to focus on my ab work and improve that number next time.

Then we did a one mile run. My normal running pace is a 10:00 to 11:00 mile. I've never really tried to push myself any faster than that. Well, today we were expected to push ourselves, so I did. I told myself it's just a mile; I can walk it in at the end if I have to. So I ran beyond my comfort zone. I had to walk twice, but then I got right back into my pace. It was a tough mile. I finished in 8:32. That's the fastest mile I have ever done.

The entire class nailed it. Everyone in the class is amazing, from the most elite of the athletes to the greenest beginner. We all have heart, determination, and drive. It is an INCREDIBLE team and I am proud to be a part of it.

Three Weeks

Today concluded my third week of boot camp. I am amazed that I have been able to do this. I'm not only sticking with it, I feel like I'm really putting in the effort, really getting the most out of it. Yes, there are still things that I have to modify or do with less-than-perfect form. Yes, I still have to take a breather several times during the hour. But I know that I'm stronger; that I've improved; that I'm going to continue to improve.

This is an amazing program. You don't have to be an elite athlete to do it; but if you are an elite athlete, you can still get a workout that will push you to your limits. Really, that is the only requirement for this program to work for you. You have to be willing to let it push you to your limits.

My official weekly weigh-in this morning was 184. I've lost six pounds in three weeks. I've also started to see a reshaping of my body. Pants are fitting me better. I'm beginning to take more pride in what I eat (I passed up cake today at work). I'm feeling very good all around.

We did circuits today in class. Circuits are always a bitch; but the way Amber had them structured today could make Superman go cry to his mama. The stations that were super-energy draining and aerobic were together, and then the stations that set your legs on fire were together. So basically they were super-sets (maybe not by the strict definition, I don't know; but that's what they seemed like to me). I had to go outside three times because I was sure I was going to be sick or start sobbing. All I can say is that I'd better look pretty fucking awesome in that Wonder Woman costume in September.

The highlight of the workout was that I had awesome teammates, and when I said that we had to make sure to be the most absurd group at the Sumo Squats station (yelling "One, Two, Three, SUMO!!), they all heartily agreed. And if I must say so myself, we were pretty awesome Sumo Squatters.

I was by far the least fit of my team; but that was okay. They were super encouraging and I'm finally starting to let go of the embarassment of being so fat and such a beginner. It's a difficult thing to get over; I've always been a bit too proud and self-conscious for my own good. I tend to gravitate away from things that are challenging for me and instead stick with things that I have a natural knack for. I'm an artsy person. I'm a musician and a writer; and I do both of those things sitting down (or standing still, at the most vigorous). I don't have a natural knack for anything athletic. So boot camp is definitely out of my comfort zone. But I'm pushing past that, and it's very rewarding so far.

I know I'm behind on my daily reasons. I'll write a daily-reasons-catch-up-post this weekend. Right now I'm going to bed, and enjoying the fact that I can sleep until 5:00 in the morning.

Here's a clip from today's workout. I'm at the far end of the Sumo line.

Why I Love Boot Camp

Actual quotes from this morning's workout. I'm leaving names out.

"I feel like if I move, I'll poop my pants."

"I think she's just trying to make the blog."

"You should write, 'And then this one girl pooped her pants, and then yelled HOOAH!!'."

I love this group of people so much.

Today was running (so yeah, profanity ahead). It was around 35°F, so that was perfect for me. I was in a tee shirt and my compression tights. Jimmy was concerned that I would be cold. I told him that I turn into a furnace when I run. By the time we were out of the parking lot, I was wishing that I had worn something lighter. I could honestly heat a moderate sized home with what radiates from my body when I run.

So, remember that hill that made me think Shit? We ran that again today. Three fucking times. I didn't puke this time, I only retched a little. But for the love of all that is good and pure, that hill is the suck.

By the time we got to the field I was feeling better; it's generally flat and downhill from the top of hell to the field (which, of course, means that the run back is generally flat and uphill). The drills on the field were good; the sprints with squats at the end of each leg were tough, but I felt pretty strong right up to the end. The ladder drills (also known as suicides; not because they kill you, but because they make you long for the sweet release of death) turned my legs into lead. No, not lead; plutonium (it's heavier, for my non-geek friends). I honestly wasn't sure whether I was going to be able to get back to the studio. Of course, Amber knows what she's doing and I was able to make it back just fine.

As usual, I went through the whole spectrum of emotions regarding boot camp. From hating it when my alarm went off (I was dreaming about shopping, people; you just don't interrupt that), to being glad I was doing it during warm-up, to wishing I could just melt into the pavement and disappear forever during the hill, to feeling like I could conquer the world when I was through. Fortunately, the emotion that sticks is that last one.

Here's a clip of the dreaded Accumulator day. I'm the fat one. But not for long. :)