Warning: You Don't Want to Read This Post

You've been warned.

First, I'd like to say that I am grateful to live in the modern world, where I have options for when it is my "ladies time," and I don't have to go shear a sheep or just sit in my room in a puddle of my own uterus until it is over. Seriously, I'm happy for that.

But honestly. Feminine products manufacturers, I'm talking to you. I mean, seriously? Your target consumer group consists of women who are bloated, hormonal, and bleeding out of parts of their body that usually make them very happy. Do you really have to add so much additional complication?

I don't need wings. Not on the front, the middle, or the back of my feminine products. I'm not taking flying lessons; I just need a barrier between my unstable uterus and my underwear. The last thing I want to worry about is getting the little sticky sides wrapped around the crotch of my panties while keeping them from sticking to themselves when I'm trying to discreetly change the sheets in the women's bathroom of a fancy restaurant. Just please give me a strip of absorbent fabric to lay across the crotch of my panties. That doesn't seem like too much to ask.

You cannot say you were not warned.

I'm Angry

So tell me, if you knew that someone had just started Alcoholics Anonymous and was in the very difficult first stage of detox, would you crack open a beer in front of them and make a huge deal about how delicious and refreshing it was? Would you hold it under their nose and say things like "Wouldn't you like to have a sip? HAHA! Too bad you can't, because you have lack of control and can't drink in moderation! Loser!"

If you said that yes, you would do that, then you are an incredible asshole and you do not deserve to take up space on this earth with decent human beings. Please go find the other assholes and play a game of hide-and-go-fuckyourself.

I'm guessing that few, if any, of you said that you would behave in that manner. So why is it that people think it is cute and funny to behave that way toward someone who has issues with food?

I am trying very, very hard to improve my eating habits. I make bad decisions with food; I eat things that I know are counter to my goals. I even eat things that I know are going to cause me pain. I don't do these things because I'm stupid (I'm not), or even because I lack self-control (I don't). I do these things because I have an addiction, and it is as real and as severe an addiction as one to alcohol or drugs.

So why is it funny to taunt me when someone brings donuts to the office? Why is it funny to rave about how "I think I'd eat a piece of this cake even if I were on a diet, because it's soooo delicious"? Why is it such a hoot to see me struggle to stay at my desk and not get up and slice off a piece of that cake? Why don't you just shut the fuck up and eat your goddamn cake?

I haven't made any progress with the Christmas Dress Challenge. I finally got the motivation to make a plan, and stick to it. I have my day all planned out, and a donut or a piece of pound cake doesn't fit into that plan. So stop trying to get me to eat a piece. I already want to eat a piece. I would step on your face to get to that cake. But I cannot have a piece. My health is more important than that delicious cake. So back the fuck off.

And thus endeth the rant against mine enemy.

Once I make some progress on the challenge, I'll post again. Progress is going to be made soon. Because I am awesome and I am going to beat this thing.