Stepping Forward, Stumbling Back

It's hard to gauge how well I'm doing.

On the one hand, I'm staying within my calorie range most days. I'm also working out regularly, and additionally doing little fun things that are active (I went to a line-dancing class this evening; it was fun!). Everything about my lifestyle has improved. I'm eating fewer calories; the calories I do consume are mostly healthy, nutritious calories; I'm becoming more active; I'm drinking far less alcohol; I've almost completely cut out diet sodas; I've started drinking green tea. Heck, it doesn't have anything to do with fitness or weight loss, but I've even stopped biting my nails.

On the other hand, I still have days and short strings of days where I completely lose my give-a-damn, and fall right back into my old habits. Weekends are the worst; I think it is because I don't have a weekend routine. I've fit my healthy eating and exercise into my work days, and I have figured out how to maintain that. But on weekends, where things are happening spontaneously and I'm doing something different all the time and I'm unprepared for half of what happens, I wind up eating fast food. Or going to a nice sit-down dinner out. Or drinking too much scotch and cider (Scotch with a cider chaser; not mixed together. I do have standards.). And these days are affecting my progress. That is frustrating.

I truly want to focus on what I'm doing right. I want to love myself for all the hard work and sacrifice I have done lately. I want to be proud of myself. But my setbacks keep me from feeling that way. Instead of feeling like a success for the five days I was strictly on-plan, I feel like a failure for the long weekend where I completely blew it. I just can't seem to cut myself a break.

Part of this whole ordeal is learning to give a damn about myself. I'm learning more about what that means every day. I'm not there yet; but it's getting closer. I have proud moments and little glimpses of progress I have made. The good is beginning to outweigh the bad, and if that trend continues, I may actually make it this time.

I want to thank all of you. Julia and Ted have been absolutely wonderful and so incredibly supportive through all my ups and downs. SGT Ken and Amber and all the instructors at START Fitness have done so much to help me learn how to push my body and become stronger. My precious friends, Suzan, Gayle, Adam, all my FB Fit Before the World Ends friends, and many others have been there for me and I couldn't have come this far without you. Thank you so much for listening, laughing, encouraging, mocking, and pushing me. We still have a long way to go.

It Has to Work for Me

Okay, I'm going to put this out there and I'd like to know what y'all think.

If you've been following the blog lately, you'll know I've had a few off days because of Christmas and New Year, and I've jumped right back on plan after both those events. Even with the lapses, I've lost weight since I started really counting calories in December. I'll post my official weigh-in tomorrow.

Anyway, I expect to have a lot of weeks where I have one day where I go over - not really a "free day" where I pay no attention whatsoever, but a day where I may have a heavy dinner or a few more drinks than the plan allows. For example, this Saturday night is Whiskey Club. My plan is to eat a light, sensible, healthy breakfast and lunch, and enjoy the food and drink at the gathering. Sampling whiskey and eating snacks will probably take me over on calories for the day. Could I make a sacrifice and not participate in the tasting? Sure. Am I willing to make that sacrifice? I'm not sure; I don't think so. Not yet, anyway. I am making conscious sacrifices every day. I am learning from them and growing from them. But that doesn't mean I have to sacrifice every single pleasure in my life that involves calories. If this is going to be long-term, then there will have to be exceptions. There will have to be variety, joy, and fun.

My thoughts are that this keeps me from quitting altogether, and it's still a lot better than I was doing before. I expect this to continue to result in a downward trend on the scale, though it might not be the two pounds a week that my actual to-the-letter-plan is geared for.

I'm actually making it to the gym a lot more, and mostly doing pretty intense workouts. Zombiefit and Crossfit are really tough, almost as tough as boot camp (though the workouts are shorter, so still not as intense). The Zumba classes aren't all that hard, but it's an extra hour of moderate cardio, and that should be at least a booster.

Thoughts?

On a Roll

And I don't mean a cinnamon roll.

I have remained steadfast with staying within my calorie range. I have had two more successful days since my last post, and I'm on track for another successful day today. This is a good trend.

Now, just because I have been able to maintain this does not mean it has been easy. Yesterday after work I wanted nothing more than to dive face-first into a vat of dry martini. I did have a couple of martinis; but I had the calories planned for them and I did not overindulge. I'm finding that with a little creativity, I'm able to eat really great stuff and still stay in my range. Last night Ted and I made escovitch, which is a wonderful jamaican spicy fish dish, and it was amazing.

We also did the Zombie Fit workout of the day, which was kind of brutal. It consisted of some cardio to warm up, repetitions of circuits for time, and cardio to finish off. When all was said and done, we wound up doing:

• 5 min run/bike
• 30 squats
• 30 push-ups
• 30 sit-ups
• 30 pull-ups
• 30 8-count bodybuilders (which include a push-up, bringing that total to 60)
• 75 lunges each leg
• 25 burpees
• 300m jogging

My thighs caught fire at one point.

It's Not the Same Thing

There is a difference between being "in control" and being "perfect."

Since my last blog post, I have been in control. I have not been perfect; but that is okay.

I have stayed within my calorie range all but two days since my last blog post. Those two days were Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. On those days, I made a conscious decision to enjoy food and drink with my family. I do not regret it.

I didn't pig out as heavily as I normally do during the holidays, but there's only so much you can manage with portion control when your meal consists of country ham, fried potatoes, scrambled eggs, big fluffy biscuits, and sausage gravy. Oh, and orange juice to drink. Even with small portions, which I did observe, that was a lot of calories. And worth every bite.

Christmas day was not quite as bad, but we did go have Asian food, and I had wine that evening. It was a nice, relaxing holiday, and I feel good about jumping right back on track Monday morning. On Monday I ate right in the middle of my calorie range. So, like I said, I'm in control.

The Christmas holiday did mess up my workout schedule, but Ted and I plan on going to the gym in the morning and doing a good workout. I'm going to try to fit in some extra cardio this week to compensate for my two high calorie days.

It feels so good to be in charge of my body for a change.

Coming Together - Maybe

It feels like everything is starting to come together.

I know; you have all read this from me before. I'm working out hard, I'm getting my eating under control, blah blah blah, then bam, I'm back on here whining about eating too many damn cheeseburgers. Why should you think it's going to be any different this time?

Well, the truth is, you shouldn't. But I'm hoping to surprise you.

So what is different this time? Well, I had what alcoholics refer to as a "moment of clarity."

It came when I was browsing some friends' photos on the internet. There was a photo of a very fit, healthy, toned woman in one of the photos. In the comments, someone complimented her on what a lovely, lean, strong body she had (it wasn't as weird as it sounds here). The lady commented back that it wasn't easy; she had worked hard and made a lot of sacrifices for that body.

For some reason, that statement made something click. Sacrifices.

All this time, I've been thinking in terms of what I can and can't have. I can't have more calories than my calorie range allows. I can't have all those carbs. I can't have so much fat. Well, a bull-headed woman like me does not like to be told that she can't have or do anything. So something makes me rebel and say LIKE HELL I CAN'T JUST WATCH ME.

But I'll tell you what I can do. I can make conscious decisions to make a sacrifice to further my goal. I can choose to forego something I want. I can take a look at those fried pickles, or that piece of cake, or that pizza, and I can say to myself "If I want to eat that, I can eat it." And then I can remind myself that if I choose to skip it, that is X-number of calories that I do not have to burn off. And I can walk away.

I have gone back to tracking my calories on SparkPeople. Yesterday I stayed within my calorie range, even though I attended an awesome Winter Solstice Bonfire Party at the home of my good friend Gayle. I chose low calorie foods all day, had a piece of tilapia before I left so I wouldn't be starving, and while at the party I drank limited amounts of beer and wine. When I got home and logged the drinks from the party, I saw that I had succeeded. It was awesome.

I am well on the way toward having another successful day. I prepared a healthy breakfast and lunch, and have a light snack ready for when I need it. Dinner will be tilapia again, probably, this time with a side dish of a vegetable or some salad.

As for working out, Ted and I are still doing workouts at the gym. On some days we're doing the Workout of the Day (WoD) from zombiefit.org, and on other days we're doing the WoD from crossfit.com. They are great workouts, and really tough. I'm still having to modify for my knees and my foot, but I'm able to get a really good burn every time.

More soon.

So Close to Quitting

I am so thankful to have a supportive partner.

Today I had a blog post all cooked up in my head about how I was going to just give up. Quit. Throw in the towel. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

I was going to say that I've been at this since February, and not just half-assed at it, but really working myself to death at boot camp, and all I have to show for it are knees that hurt worse than ever and newly-developed plantar fasciitis. I have lost no weight; I have lost only one clothing size, and that was in the very beginning. I look exactly how I looked when I started, and I am tired, worn down, and just sick to fucking death of killing myself for no results. I can't get my eating under control because I'm like that old drunk who just keeps drinking until he dies. Why doesn't he stop? Because he will never love himself more than he loves alcohol. And that is my relationship with food. Sorry, folks, but I am always going to be fat. I am probably going to die young of a preventable disease because I refuse to change my habits. So I quit. I just fucking goddamn quit.

Then Ted said that he could see a difference. He could feel a difference. I am making progress. And he gave me a kiss and a hug that told me that he means it. And I took the top piece of bread off my Egg McMuffin to cut the carb count in half, and everything was better again.

I'm still very, very frustrated that the weather is cooling down and I can't run. I want to get back out there and do at least some short runs; some drills; something. But I really can't. My foot is a genuine showstopper. I'm still very, very frustrated that I can't do so many exercises properly because of my knee pain. And I'm still very, very frustrated that I can't get my eating right. But I'm no longer ready to give up. I'm going to keep trying, and probably keep failing. But hopefully my failures will become less severe over time. Hopefully I'll get stronger and more resolved. Hopefully, everything will eventually come together.

I'm not going to be in a size 8 by my birthday. But I am going to be healthier by my birthday, and I will be closer to having my shit together.

I'm hoping to be funny again one day, too. Sorry my posts have been so heavy lately. This too shall pass.

Another Lots-of-Stuff Post

So, yeah. Not a lot of happy to report lately.

It appears that I have plantar fasciitis. It hurts like a motherfucker. It hurts to walk; it hurts to sit with my foot on the floor; it is impossible to run. There are stretches I can do to lessen the pain, but it is becoming apparent that I'm not going to be able to run or do boot camp for a while (standard moves like high-step, sprints, and speed-skater drills are impossible). I'm going to talk to SGT Ken and let him know that I need to suspend my membership until I get the pain under control and am cleared to run again; it could be nine months or more. For now, I'm glad that I haven't sent in the paper to cancel my gym membership, because I don't plan to stop exercising. I can do cardio on spin bikes to replace the running, and I can do strength exercises that I've practiced at boot camp (the ones that don't hurt my foot). If I find that there are strength exercises that hurt my foot, I can substitute freeweights or machines for that muscle group. I've learned a lot since February, and I can read articles SGT Ken has written for workouts and instructions; I think I'll be able to motivate myself to do what needs to be done until I can get back to class.

The foot pain also kept me from running the Warrior Dash last weekend. I was able to give my chip and number to a friend of a friend who had missed registration, and he was really happy to have the chance to run it, so at least something good came of it. But I was so, so sad to be on the sidelines. When I got on site and saw the muddy people who had run in the early waves, I just broke down. It's my favorite race ever, and I had to just limp around and watch. But Ted, Gayle, and Gayle's friend (I'm so sorry, I can't remember his name I am a horrible person!) all did a fantastic job and finished strong. I hope so much that I'm running again by the time the next Mountain City race rolls around.

Okay, on to something that does not involve my foot pain. I have my eating under pretty good control right now, and I'm going to join an online Christmas Dress challenge. I'm joining a few days late; but if the blog author will still let me, I'm going to jump in. It's being run by Fat So Sarah and it runs from September 18 through December 11 (my birthday!). Here are the rules and my goals:

Rules:

1. Buy or find a picture of a dress in a smaller size (the size you're aiming to reach by the end of the challenge) The idea is to buy the dress to use as motivation, but it's not required. I'm just going to post a photo of the dress I want; I'll buy it if I reach the goal.


2. On or before Sunday, Sept. 18th, make your first post with a picture of your dress, your starting size & weight and your goal size & weight. (I will link my post to yours, so let me know once you make your first post) Photo of dress below; starting size 12 or 14, depending on brand and cut; starting weight 187; goal weight 167; I think I might be in an 8 or 10, depending on brand and cut, at that weight.


3. Aim for a healthy caloric intake each day Goal is between 1200 and 1500 per day (per Sparkpeople website)


4. Exercise a minimum 3x a week gym until foot heals; back to boot camp as soon as possible


5. Drink water(not soda, not diet soda, not energy drinks...etc...) okay.

So here's my dress:



My goal is to be able to buy it in a size 8 for my birthday. It's on JC Penney dot com in case anyone gets any ideas. ;)

Much Ado

I'm a terrible blogger.

I was doing so well for so long, but then I just got busy and put blogging on the back burner and let my readers down. Both of you. I'm so sorry and I promise I'll try to do better.

First of all, like my blogging, my boot camp attendance has been spotty lately. I made it to class one day last week, and one day this week. Some of the absences have been unavoidable, and some have been laziness. Some have been due to "other." We won't discuss "other." It's mostly me being a petty child and I'll get over it.

On a more positive note about boot camp, today was awesome. Jackie put together an incredibly fun running workout and even though it was really tough and pushed me hard, I actually truly enjoyed it. If you've read my blog at all, you know how I hate running. I really hate it. Sometimes I can briefly trick myself into thinking that I don't hate it so much, but it always comes back around to me hating it. I would normally prefer to have a hot iron held to my face rather than go for a run. But today, Jackie incorporated games, levity, and a little friendly competition, and not only did I enjoy it, but I also felt really, really good about my performance today. I didn't run the fastest or the hardest (we have some crazy fit runners in our class; I'll never be in the top ten!), but I felt like I kept a good pace and pushed hard, and set a good example for our new recruits. I wasn't at the front of the pack, but I wasn't pulling up the rear, either. I showed that the fat girl can run, too.

On a different note, my body is revolting. And I'm not just talking about how it looks. It seems that my body has finally decided that it's sick and tired of me not taking my nutrition seriously enough. I've been having severe gallbladder pain (and if you've never had a gallbladder attack, consider yourself very fortunate; they are so painful, it's impossible to describe), and I've been having more frequent heartburn and acid reflux. Both of these issues can be avoided, or at least lessened, by improving what I put in my body. Mainly, I need to cut way back on fats. I need to increase my fiber intake with fruits and vegetables. I need to reduce my intake of heavy meats and replace them with fish and beans. In other words, I know exactly what I need to do. The trick is actually doing it.

I'm not sure what it's going to take to get me to follow through on this. One thing I'm considering is getting a juicer and committing myself to replacing one meal a day with a big glass of fresh vegetable or fruit juice. Unfortunately, doing that at this time of year can get pretty expensive; but I may try that for a while, just to get some good, concentrated micronutrients into my body every day. The sad fact is, I'm not going to eat all that many more fruits and vegetables. I do well to get in one or two servings; forget about the five or six that are recommended. One glass of juice can cover a lot of that daily requirement. We'll see how it goes; I'll keep you posted. You know how well I follow through with anything pertaining to food, so don't be surprised if little or nothing comes of this.

A little later I'm going to write a post about going to Dragon*Con over the Labor Day weekend. It was great; but for now, lunch break is over and I need to get back to work. More soon!

So Many Things

I hate it that my blogging has become so sporadic lately. There has just been so much going on, it's hard to find time to sit still and write.

I'm still going strong with START Fitness. The push-up challenge is over, with SGT Ken taking first place, with Jimmy O not far behind. I finished in the top 20 (17th overall), but most importantly, Nashville beat San Francisco. I'm very proud of my rockin' platoon for winning!

Today we had a lot of rookies in the class, because SGT Ken ran a Groupon. I love seeing new faces and a full studio. It's motivating and energizing. Hopefully several of them will stick around for the long haul.

On the nutrition front, I'm happy to report that I went to the Wilson County Fair yesterday, and did not eat one single deep-fried thing. My fair food consisted of a barbecue sandwich and half a serving of baked beans. I can't really give myself credit for having a strong will, though. I had a gallbladder attack a few nights before, and so I'm currently terrified of high fat content foods. Intense pain is a great motivator. So until I am able to get the offending organ yanked out, I'll be on a low-fat diet and will probably make a little progress.

That's really all I've got today. I'm taking my daughter for her learner's permit test this afternoon, so my focus is on that for the time being. Wish her (me) luck!

This Post May Be Incoherent Because I’m Drunk I Was Hit by a Truck SGT Ken is Trying to Kill Me

This morning was the hardest boot camp yet. I think SGT Ken must have been angry with someone when he wrote it. I’ll probably swear some writing about it. Fair warning.

It started with a run up and down the alley behind the studio. I thought I had gotten out of running this week by skipping yesterday, but NOOO… we had heat and humidity torture today as well. The alley is a long steady uphill, with a short steeper decline at the far end. Which means you only get to catch your breath a little before turning around and going right back uphill agan. At least it ends with a long downhill. That’s something.

After the alley we did 5 sets of stair-climbing. Oh, and I might mention that the stairs we use ARE OUTSIDE THE FUCKING BUILDING. So yeah. More smothering. Awesome.

Then we got to go inside, which seemed like a relief, except that the first station we did inside was Step 360 jump-ups with a push-up at the bottom. My legs were exhausted and on fire from the running and steps, and then he expects me to jump. I started to cry a little at this point and muttered a different swear word under my breath for each repetition. Who knew I could come up with 30?

The next station was uneven push-ups with a medicine ball. I did a few from my toes, but dropped to my knees pretty quickly. Girls had to do 10 reps each arm; guys did 20. I made it through this station without too much suffering, and it gave my heart rate a chance to get back down a bit.

Next were Russian twists with a medicine ball. This is an abs exercise, and not too incredibly horrible. After the first half I had to drop my feet to the ground, though.

The final station was resistance-band jumping jacks. These suck. They suck balls. I hate them with the fires of a thousand hells. Hate. Them.

AND THEN WE GOT THE PRIVELIDGE OF STARTING ALL OVER!!! Yay.

I made it through three rounds, all the way through. I was never so happy for a workout to be over in my life. I’ll bet I burned well over 1000 calories this morning.

Oh, and on most days my eating has improved greatly. Last night I made Pasta con Sarde, which is an Italian dish that contains pasta (I used whole-grain),olive oil, garlic, hot pepper flakes, raisins, pine nuts (but I didn’t have any so I had to leave those out), and sardines. Yes, sardines. And it is delicious. A lot of people dismiss sardines as a “trash fish,” but they are actually quite good for you and tasty if you like stronger seafood tastes.

After dinner I wanted something sweet, so I had watermelon. Much better decision than a peanut butter sandwich or some kind of dessert.

Plus at gaming tonight, our host is planning to cook some real food instead of ordering pizza or wings. It’s good to have supportive friends!

Update: I changed my mini-goals a little bit. I'm doing the Monroe piercing first instead of the industrial. I want it more. They're my goals, I can move them around as I please! :)

Explanation

So, some of you may be wondering where the hell I’ve been.

It has been over a week since I’ve been at boot camp; I have a combination of excuses and reasons as to why. I’m just going to list everything here, and you can decide which days are valid and which days I was just lazy.

Monday, July 18: Was sick; couldn’t breathe at all through my nose, had a sore throat, and had a cough that burned my chest like it was on fire.

Tuesday, July 19: Still sick. Throat no longer sore, but the nose and cough were still intense and painful. I just didn’t feel like I could breathe well enough to endure what I knew a running day would consist of.

Wednesday, July 20: Feeling better, but really weak from not being able to sleep due to runny nose and cough. At least my chest was no longer on fire.

Thursday, July 21: Just lazy, really.

Monday, July 25: Central air unit out at my house. My home is a billion degrees. I don’t have the money to get it fixed until Friday; so I’m staying at Ted’s until then. It takes over twice as long to get to boot camp from Ted’s as it does from my house. It also takes over twice as long to get to my work from his house; so it is highly impractical for me to go to boot camp when staying there.

Tuesday, July 26: See above; but I did go on a run this morning. Also, I think I may have a solution to the not being able to get to work on time after driving back to Ted’s from boot camp to get ready thing. I may be able to just drive to the gym that I belong to near my house, and get ready there. Hopefully, that will work out and I can go to boot camp Wednesday and Thursday this week.

So, I’ll be honest. Even though I had some pretty valid sounding reasons up there, the truth is I’m beginning to feel burned out. I’m falling behind on the push-up challenge and I just don’t feel motivated to get to class. I hope that all it is going to take is just getting up and going a couple of times, and I will get the inspiration back. I hope that I’m just in a funk from being sick last week. I hope that I don’t give up.

Push-up Challenge

So I mentioned in Monday's post about the push-up challenge SGT Ken is running on dailyburn.com. Everyone has been killing it; and nothing motivates me more than good competition. Except for maybe shame. This challenge is a little of both.

When the challenge started, I set a goal for myself to do 100 push-ups per day. When I saw everyone smoking me like I was sitting still at that rate, I increased the goal to 200. That's still not good enough.

I want to try to get into the top 10 and stay there. In order to do that, I'll probably have to do between 300 and 600 push-ups per day (obviously, this is over the course of a day; not all at once). Today I've done 600 so far. I'm going to try to make it to 1000 to get securely in the top 10. Then hopefully I can go back to a maintenance level.

Most importantly, my push-ups are counting toward the Nashville Platoon in the competition with San Francisco. We're determined to beat them, even though they outnumber us by a lot...I think we can do it, too.

My friend Jimmy O and I wrote a cadence for the Nashville Platoon to get us fired up. Jimmy wrote the second verse, and all other verses were penned by Yours Truly.

Hey have you heard the word on the street?
They say San Francisco can't be beat
So Nashville, get down on your toes and hands -
COME HELL OR HIGH WATER WE'LL BEAT SAN FRAN

Pecs and tris burn, they're on fire
Take 'em deep and push 'em higher
No we don't stop we don't rest
We're Nashville's best at START Fitness

Hey, San Francisco, strong and proud
You think you're the number one platoon around
You're gonna get a surprise real soon
'Cause you haven't met THE NASHVILLE PLATOON

We are Nashville, we're mighty and mean
And we're an unbeatable push-up machine
Don't be fooled by our difference in size
WE'RE STILL GOING HOME WITH THE PUSH-UP PRIZE

HOOAH!

Monday BFT

I know; I’m behind. I’m going to post about Monday and Tuesday in two separate posts, so I don’t have one long blog that no one will read to the end (I know what the internet has done to people’s attention spans; in fact, if you’re still reading this, you’re probably well above the average).

On Monday we had our Basic Fitness Test (BFT) for July. I felt good; I felt fresh; I was ready for it.

My results:
Push-ups, two minute drill: 70 reps (last BFT: 51)
Crunches, two minute drill: 170 reps (last BFT: 149)
1 Mile Run: 8:48 (last BFT: 8:50)

So I improved on everything, which means I scored 300 again. I’m pretty proud; I’ve come a really long way. My competitive nature keeps me pushing, and having the BFTs every so often are a great way to see my progress.

On a different note, Sergeant Ken has started a push-up challenge on dailyburn.com. It’s both an individual challenge and a group challenge. There will be one male and one female overall winner for the participants who do the most push-ups, and START Fitness Nashville is competing against START Fitness San Francisco for which group can do the most push-ups as a whole. This should be a lot of fun!

I set my goal for at least 100 per day. Yesterday I did 100; today I’ve done 120 so far. I’m going to do 30 more to make it a solid 150.

I thought that was great until I saw Sergeant Ken’s posting of 990 and Jimmy Olander’s posting of 1010 for the first day. Now I feel like a weakling.

But seriously, a thousand push-ups in a day? That’s borderline mental illness, I’m thinking.

But team Nashville is going to win.

300

No, not the movie. Guess again.

If you guessed that this was my current weight, then you are no longer my friend.

If you guessed that this was my score on May’s Basic Fitness Test (BFT), then you’re right! I scored 300 out of a possible 300. I am very proud of myself.

We are doing the BFT for July on Monday. I’m not sure what to expect from myself, but I hope to improve on everything. I’m not going to set myself up for disappointment by putting specific numbers on my goals, because I just don’t know how much I’ve improved since last time. I’ve missed a lot of classes, so I don’t know what to expect. I’m hoping to at least score 300 again, though.

It’s getting difficult to blog about boot camp, because I feel like I’m saying the same things over and over. It’s tough; it hurts; it’s awesome; it’s working; it’s worth it. All these things are true, every time. I need to think of new and creative ways of expressing these sentiments.

Currently, my big challenge is nutrition, but I am finally taking serious steps toward correcting it. I’m using SGT Ken’s Savory Survival Guide as a guideline. I’m not following it to the letter; I’m making substitutions here and there. For instance, last night instead of having baked chicken and brown rice with steamed vegetables, I had baked fish and brown rice with a tomato, herb, and olive reduction. So, the substitutions aren’t cheating; they’re just changes based on what I have in my kitchen and what sounds tastier. I have been doing a great job staying away from the chips in the break room at work (bringing a healthy snack with me helps a lot). I am keeping a food journal, so in case I don’t see any progress in a week, I can show SGT Ken what I have been eating, and he can hopefully tell me what I’ve been doing wrong.

Tonight is trivia at the wingery. I’m trying to plan what I am going to do; I do enjoy my wings and beer, but I can abstain in order to meet my goals. I normally have a couple of good beers, a side salad, and eat about half a medium wings plate (splitting it with Ted). Sometimes we start with an appetizer of fried pickles. It’s a lot of food. A lot more food than I should eat. So tonight, I’m thinking I’ll make my dinner at home as prescribed by the SSG, and have one beer (I dismissed the quit-drinking-for-good idea and switched to really-watching-out-for-overdrinking) at trivia. If I find that I don't have time to cook before time to leave, I will have a side salad and something that looks relatively harmless on the menu. Regardless of what I wind up doing, I will write everything down. That is my challenge for this week.

To the Newbies

We have a lot of new folks joining us at START Fitness in Nashville. This post is to answer the many questions I know you all have.

1. Yes, it's supposed to hurt there.
2. Yeah, there too, probably.
3. Whoa, dude...I'm not sure it's supposed to hurt there. You might want to get that looked at.
4. No, it doesn't ever get easier to get here by 5:30 in the fucking morning.
   
5. Yes, I know it sucks.
   
6. No, it doesn't stop hurting.
   
7. Yes, it does get better.
8. Yes, you still have to pay attention to what you eat. I'm not doing so hot with that part yet; but I'm getting the hang of it now.
9. No, it never gets easy.
10. Yes, you will see a change if you stick with it.

But the most important answer of all, in my opinion:

Yes. Yes, it is worth it.

Seriously, Y’all. I Am Pee-My-Pants Excited

I am also super motivated, like I mean SUPER DUPER motivated to start seriously adhering to SGT. Ken’s Savory Survival Guide and start dropping this fat.

Why? I’m so glad you asked.

When I hit 28% body fat, I am going to take the START Fitness Instructor Certification Course. I’m going to be a boot camp instructor!

My ultimate body fat percentage goal is 24% or lower, but when I hit 28, I feel like I’ll be squarely enough in the “normal” range that I’ll have the confidence to take the course.

So today I’m having a salad with greens, strawberries, blueberries, almonds, chicken breast, and a little asiago cheese with fat free raspberry vinaigrette dressing (from Wendy’s; 270 calories). It’s tasty, and I’m getting full.

Tomorrow is pay day, and therefore grocery day; I’m going to take the Savory Survival Guide with me and make sure my kitchen has the supplies to help me stick with it. Nutrition is the key; but there’s going to be more to feeling ready to take the course than just losing the fat. In addition to hitting my body fat percentage goal, I need to improve my running speed and endurance, work on my form on various exercises such as the various types of push-ups, and start having the joint fluid injections in my knees so I can perform my lower body exercises properly. There’s lots of work to be done.

I know that I’m going to enjoy being an instructor. Because of having to miss some boot camp classes in the mornings, I’ve been going with Ted to the gym, and he’s been humoring me by doing START Fitness style workouts with me. It is a lot of fun being the “leader.” It motivates me to push myself harder (read: try to be a hot shot).

I really think this is the motivational boost I needed. HOOAH!

First of All I’m Going to Be a Dick and Get That Part Out of the Way

Muscle does not weigh more than fat. A pound of muscle and a pound of fat weigh the same. The proper way to say what everyone means by this is “Muscle is denser than fat.” A pound of muscle takes up less space than a pound of fat. I’m a word person; this kind of distinction is important to me.

Also? “Wherefore” doesn’t mean where. It means why. Juliet wasn’t asking where Romeo was; she was asking Why do you have to be Romeo Montague, whom I can never have? This has nothing to do with boot camp or fitness or weight loss; it just bugs me.

The muscle-and-fat thing is on my mind because although I have not lost a significant amount of weight since beginning START Fitness in February, it is becoming apparent that I have indeed lost a significant amount of fat, and have increased my muscle mass. When I started boot camp, I was pushing a size 16 pants. I could wear 14s, but they were tight and uncomfortable. I bought a pair of size 12 jeans in late March, and I was able to wear them by that time. They were a brand that runs a little big, and they were tight, but I could wear them. Lately they have been loose and comfortable; I presumed that I had stretched them out.

Last weekend, the mother of my sister-in-law gave me some size 12 capris that she could not wear. I figured it would be a while before I could wear them, because these were actual size 12s, not these-run-big size 12s. I tried them on when I got home. They fit comfortably.

That is pretty much two pant sizes I have lost. That is a considerable difference. People have been telling me that they can see a difference, particularly in my face. So although I’m not seeing the results on the bathroom scale, I am seeing tangible results. All this hard work has not been in vain.

I’m still not cut; I still have plenty of fat to lose. I have enough fat still to lose that I will eventually start losing weight (the muscle mass isn’t going to continue to increase at the rate it has been, I’m sure). I’ve been doing better with my eating lately, and that is helping. Fitting into the smaller pants has motivated me to continue to eat better, so hopefully it will snowball.

My attendance at boot camp has been spotty lately. Doctor appointments, overnight stays away from home, and being tired from entertaining late have messed up my schedule. I was at class Monday; I haven’t been since then. I will be at class tomorrow, barring unforeseen circumstances.

Profanity

I figured that I should warn you up front, because it’s going to start immediately. This week was fucking brutal.

I have been insanely busy this week, so this will be a long post; it’s a three-in-one, because I’m covering three different workouts in one post.

I missed Monday because I had an appointment with the doc that afternoon, so I had to get my early morning hours in at work; but I attended class on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I’m considering finding a doctor who will put me into a chemically induced coma for a while so I can recover.

Tuesday is always running day, weather permitting. Weather was permitting this week, and the cicadas are finally gone, and my calves had mostly recovered from the knots I had in them the week before, so I had no excuse to skip. I dragged my lazy ass out of my cozy bed and did my morning get-out-the-door ritual.

We started with lunges up and down the parking lot to warm up. That wasn’t so bad; a nice burn in the thighs feels good before a run. Then we did a gentle shuffle-run in single file down to the road where we would begin the drill. The drill was something called "Last Man Up.” It is otherwise known as “punishment.” Runners jog in a single file line, and the person in the back sprints up to the front and continues the jog; lather, rinse, repeat. The first couple of sprints to the front weren’t so bad, then some of my sprints wound up being on a slight incline, then I started wishing for death. I honestly did not think I was going to be able to finish the class. We did the LMU drill for thirty minutes, and then did some stair running. We finished with repeats up and down Bernard Hill before jogging to cadence back to home base. My calves were knotted up again. Awesome.

Wednesday was no better. On Wednesday we did six stations, and each one sucked. The first one was bear crawl/crab walk up and down the mats in the studio. Second was suicides and squats out in the parking lot. Third was up and down the stairs. Fourth was abs (that one wasn’t so bad). Fifth was uneven push-ups with the medicine ball. And finally, sixth was resistance-band jumping jacks. We did the entire circuit twice. I thought I was going to die.

But if a workout this week was going to kill me, it would have been Thursday’s.
On Thursday, we did partner work, and one partner would run around the (hilly) block while the other partner did some sort of calisthenic exercise in the studio, switching when the running partner returned. The kicker was that at all times, one partner had to be carrying the "baby" (a medicine ball). It was up to the teams to decide which partner would have the baby. There were a couple of rounds where it made the most sense for the runner to have the baby, and running with a med ball is crazy tough. I very nearly gave up before the end of class. I made it through, though. I sure was happy to have Friday off!

The Line Has Been Blurred Between Awesome and Unreasonable

Sorry for no post yesterday; I did go to boot camp. It was hard as fuck. There's Monday's post.

Now on to today.

If you’ve read my blog from the beginning of my START Fitness journey in February, you have read about Bernard Hill. If not, let me give you a quick description. Bernard Hill is a hill in Nashville, near the START Fitness facility. It’s a pretty long hill, which starts out ridiculously steep, and about halfway up gets steeper. It is grueling, relentless, and a true challenge to climb.

When we run to the field for drills on running days, we have to run up Bernard Hill in order to get to the field. Running up it once nearly kills me. I can do it now; which is way more than I could do in February. But once is enough. Once, and I’m spent.

Today I went up and down Bernard Hill nine times.

Nine.

There were people who made more than nine trips. There were people who made fewer than nine trips. But all that I can dwell on is that I did that godforsaken stretch of land that was formed by Lucifer and his angels nine times today.

On my first trip, I kept a nice jog almost all the way up. And I nearly died. Subsequent trips were not all straight running; we had to go backwards, side-shuffle (one trip for each leg), and duck-walk as well. The last trip of the set was sprint halfway up, stop and do twenty burpees, and then jog on to the top. Then we ran down, did 50 squats, 15 push-ups, and started the round all over from the beginning. I honestly thought I was going to die. I was never so happy to gather up into formation for the jog back to the studio in my life.

Today I had the stress sobs more than once; they never dissolved into outright crying, but boy, did it come close. My body was very angry at me for making it do today’s workout.

I’m not sure whether I’ll make it to class in the morning or not; I’ll actually be sleeping away from my house tonight, and the drive to boot camp would be about an hour from where I’ll be. We’ll see.

Insanity

This morning was interesting. And by interesting, I mean insane.

Today we did three Crossfit Challenges. Three. People who do Crossfit (which is a tough and really effective program, from what I’ve heard) do ONE Crossfit Challenge and consider that a workout.

Three, y’all.

We divided into two groups; group one started outside and group two started inside. I was in group 2.

The first challenge was jump rope/sit-ups sets, in reps of 50-40-30-20-10 (50 jumps, 50 crunches, then 40 jumps, 40 crunches, etc.). From 50 down to 10 was one round. We were to do as many rounds as possible in ten minutes. I completed three rounds, and was 13 (I think) crunches into my fourth round when time was called.

The second challenge was lunges/burpees sets. We did walking lunges across the room, then 21 burpees, then lunged back across the room, then 21 more burpees, etc. for five minutes (I’m thinking that surely a complete Crossfit workout would be longer than five minutes; this one must have been abbreviated). I completed three sets of lunges, and was into my third set of burpees when time was called. Can’t remember how many of those last burpees I completed.

Then group two went outside for the twenty minute drill. It consisted of running 100 meters, then doing sets of 50 of a different exercise after each lap: push-ups, crunches, back raises, and squats. This challenge was a tough one; it was made even tougher by the fact that there was something dead and rotting in the bushes beside where the mats were, so while we were on the ground gasping for air, we were in fact taking in deep breaths of rank, rancid stench. I had to get up and vomit during my first set of crunches. Fortunately I made it to a nearby bush so I didn’t start a chain reaction. My guess is that Sgt. Ken brags about having “pukers” in his classes, so Debbie and Candace decided that they were going to get a puker, one way or another. In all fairness, making people do ground exercises next to a hidden decaying animal corpse is pretty hardcore. I’m thinking Sgt. Ken has nothing on them in the cruelty department.

I was pretty proud of my performance today; it was a tough workout, and about halfway through my first set of burpees I was swearing pretty intensely, but after it was all said and done, I drove away with a really awesome sense of accomplishment. This just keeps getting better and better.