Yikes.

Okay, first off, I did the Nashville Zoo Run Run 5K a few weeks ago, and finished in 37:00. Not bad!

Now, the yikes part. I recently started a new job, and we work very closely with the Army National Guard. The Tactical Director and Founder of the Strategic Army Training Program, Sgt. Ken, works there too. When I was introduced to Sgt. Ken, I made the mistake of telling him that I was working on getting back into shape.

Never tell the US Military's #1 fitness guy that you are working on getting back into shape.

He has a civilian boot camp starting up Monday. He sent me a link and said I should think about doing it. I had to tell him that I didn't have the budget to do it right now, but I'd see if I could swing it next session.

He offered to let me go for two weeks on him.

How can I pass that up? So now I'm committed to it. It starts Monday at 5:30 AM. Four days a week, Monday-Thursday, for two weeks. It's not your regular joe-blow boot camp, either. This is the same stuff they put military people through to get them into fighting shape. I am going to hurt.

I'll try to post regular updates. This should be amusing.

In the Spooky Spirit of Halloween

I'm going to share a personal terror of mine (doesn't that sound like fun??).

I suffer from Sleep Paralysis with Hypnopompic Hallucinations. That is a fancy medical term for saying that occasionally, I will wake up, be unable to move or speak, and I see, hear, and feel things that are not there.

Before medicine and science knew what was going on here, people thought that this was caused by a witch / demon / ghost entering your bedroom and torturing you. It was said that the entity would sit on you (thus preventing movement) and cover your nose and mouth (there is often a smothering feeling associated with the condition) while its counterpart would wreak havoc in your home.

During my last bout (about two weeks ago), I heard someone come in through my garage door, which has a very distinct sound when opened and closed. I heard this person/thing walk up the stairs, open my bedroom door, and felt the person/thing LAY DOWN BESIDE ME ON THE BED. I was facing away from where I felt the presence, so I did not see it. All this time, I can't move; I can't scream; I can't force myself to snap out of it. I am helpless and terrified.

These are not dreams; they are hallucinations, and are VERY, VERY real seeming. It's always familiar sounds and sensations; never something outlandish that I could just blow off as "it couldn't really happen." I've heard someone rummaging through the drawers in my bathroom; turning on and typing on the keyboard of my computer; using my coffee maker; unloading the dishwasher (too bad that one wasn't real); and other things like that. It's really, really awful.

Vanderbilt Center for Sleep Disorder Study wants to do a study on me, but since it is random and I have no way of knowing when it will happen, they really can't. So I can't be treated for it, since no one knows what causes it. It sucks.

Before Image

Okay. So, I promised to add a before image. This is after my workout with Brittney, so I look quite haggard, but the worst part is how horrifically huge I am. I could cry.

So, I guess I shouldn't let it get me down because I'm working really, really hard on it. I thought I was going to die halfway through my second circuit with Brittney, but I plugged on and made it through the workout. I really, really hope this gets easier.

I have to admit, though, I feel really good after the session. It's like once my body realizes that the workout didn't kill me, it says "hey, that wasn't so bad. We should do this thing again!"

I think the hardest thing she had me do were the planks on the stability ball. Planks are hard enough on their own; add having to balance your upper body on a big, wobbly ball to it, and holycow, that's hard! She also makes me use the stability ball for my push ups, with my feet propped on it. That adds a whole new level of difficulty to those, too. My entire upper body is going to be screaming for the next couple of days.

But I shall persevere. It will all be worth it when I'm all buff and healthy!

My Favorite Ghost Story

It's my favorite because it's true.

My family owns a funeral home in a small town. I grew up with it, and it never occurred to me that it should be creepy.

When the funeral home was not busy (i.e., no bodies), my best friend, Suzan, and I would regularly play there. It had great big rooms with lots of space to play, a soda machine, bathrooms handy - it was a great playhouse.

One day, Suzan and I (we were probably around 7 or 8) were playing in the chapel area (which connected via double doors to the casket showroom), and we looked up to see an adult male-sized gloved hand pull the double doors shut. No big deal. It was probably my Dad or his business partner Doug, or one of my brothers.

Um, no. After playing for a little while longer, we went up the hill to my house, and found out from my Mom that Dad and Doug were out on a business call. Two of my brothers were out playing golf, and my third brother was in town doing something or other and had been gone all day. Everyone who could have been a reasonable person to be in the casket showroom was away.

So we think the hand must have been a shadow and the doors were sucked shut by a draft, right?

RIGHT?

No.

We go BACK to the funeral home (we really didn't understand how creepy this was) and looked in the casket room. This sounds like a made-up ghost story, but I swear on all that is holy, this is the truth...

There was a large black glove laying on a closed casket beside the double doors.